Full House: A Dramatization
The Tanner’s are a family apart, in a world gone mad. A biochemical attack on San Francisco has claimed the lives of Rebecca Donaldson, Joey Gladstone, and Kimmy Gibbler’s pet ostrich. Out of fear of falling victim to the painful neurotoxin, Mr. Gibbler took his own life, as well as his wife, and daughter’s. Danny, Jesse, DJ, Stephanie, and Michele sit in terror in the living room, where our scene opens.
Danny’s outfitted in yellow, rubber dish gloves, goggles, and an apron that says “World’s Greatest Dad”.
Danny: “I’ve finished caulking the edges of the windows so none of the gas gets in.”
Jesse: “Good.I’ve finished boarding up the front doors and gelling my hair.”
Danny: “How did this happen, this is America, dammit. Who did this to us?”
Stephanie: “My teacher said a man named Rudolph Hitler and Naut Z. did mean things like this in Germany once. She called it a “hollow cost”.”
Audience sighs a collective “Awwwwww, adorable!”
DJ: on her phone that looks like red lips with schoolmate, Kathy Santoni “And then, Kimmy’s dad shut the window and shot her!”
Danny: “DJ, get off the phone that looks like red lips and come down stairs!”
DJ goes downstairs. Danny sits everyone on the couch for a family meeting.
Danny: “This has been a hard day for all of us, heck, for all of San Francisco. Joey, Becky, and Kimmy are no longer with us, but that doesn’t mean we’re not still a family.” (Gentle piano music starts to play) “Girls, when we lost your mother, I never thought we’d be happy again. Then Joey and Uncle Jesse moved in, and even though we can never replace her, we all found a new normal. It’s hard now, very hard, but we’ll get through this, just like we got through your mother’s death, and DJ’s anorexia, and Stephanie driving a convertible through the kitchen wall, and baby Michele’s black friend moving away and being replaced with a new black friend. We’re a family, and we’ll always be a family, and no amount of toxic gas can ever change that. I love you girls, and I’ll always be here for you.”
DJ, Stephanie, Jesse: “I love you guys!”
There’s a knock at the door. They all look stunned.
Danny: “Who’s there?!”
Steve Urkle: “It’s me, Steve! I heard about what happened in San Francisco, so I put on a hazmat suit and used the teleportation device I invented to come here and save you. Stand back, I’m going to use it to teleport inside and get you out.”
DJ: “We’re saved!”
Steve starts up the teleportation device. It shakes and makes crazy, technological noises. Then it teleports inside.
Danny: “You did it! Steve, you did it! Take the girls first, quick!”
Steve picks up Michele to take her first, and puts her on the teleportation device (the Urk-Pad) and sends her away. The shockwave generated as she’s sent off causes Steve to stumble back and break the window with the helmet of his hazmat suit. The nerve gas rushes in, causing violent tremors in the remaining Tanners, and within seconds, Danny, Jesse, DJ, and Stephanie lie dead.
Steve Urkle: “Did I do thaaat??????”
Studio audience laughs.
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- clayalchemist said: GREAT ENDING.
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- oregony said: This should not, and indeed could not, have ended any other way. Bravo.
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