Rags to Rags

Spec Script for Sex and the Prairie

Laura Ingalls-Bradshaw struggles to find love, friendship, and dysentery medication in Waltnut Grove

V/O Laura Ingalls-Bradshaw (As portrayed by Sara Jessica Parker)

Last night, my friend Nellie Oleson went on a double first date. Edgar was not only the first Jew she’d been out with, but the first black man as well. It was out of character for her, but beggers can’t be choosers in Walnut Grove. Unfortunately, Nellie got more than she bargained for, when Edgar took her to the hanging of his soon to be ex-brother-in-law.

EXT: OLSEN’S EATERY, MORNING

Laura

He brought you WHERE?!

Nellie

The hanging of his brother in law. Oh, excuse me, his EX brother in law.

Laura

WHY?!

Nellie

We’d made the date before the it was scheduled, and he didn’t want to miss it, but he obviously had to go to the

hanging. I think it’s a cultural thing.

Charlotte

Oh, I think it’s sweet! They’re very family oriented you know. 

Laura

What’d you do after?

Nellie

We had this fabulous dinner that his mother had prepared in advanced. Apparently she was the slave cook for the Vanderbilt’s Jupiter Island estate.

Samantha

Tres Chic! And did he take you out in the hay for…dessert?

Nellie
Yes, but.

Samantha

But what, honey? A straight, single man in the Prairie is a hard man to find…and a hard man in the Prairie is a good one to find!

Nellie

Here’s the thing…

Laura V/O

Apparently, Edgar’s brother in law wasn’t the only member of the family who was hung that night. Only this kind would have Nellie riding side saddle for weeks.

Nellie

…and now, I can hardly walk!

Laura

Then can I borrow those new Manolo Blahnik cowgirl boots?

Laura V/O

Meanwhile, across town, Mary was dealing with problems of her own. She’d recently taken to whittling, and had fashioned her very first dildo out of a piece of oak. Ma had warned her that playing with herself could lead to blindness, but Mary didn’t believe her…