Spec Script for Sex and the Prairie
Laura Ingalls-Bradshaw struggles to find love, friendship, and dysentery medication in Waltnut Grove
V/O Laura Ingalls-Bradshaw (As portrayed by Sara Jessica Parker)
Last night, my friend Nellie Oleson went on a double first date. Edgar was not only the first Jew she’d been out with, but the first black man as well. It was out of character for her, but beggers can’t be choosers in Walnut Grove. Unfortunately, Nellie got more than she bargained for, when Edgar took her to the hanging of his soon to be ex-brother-in-law.
EXT: OLSEN’S EATERY, MORNING
He brought you WHERE?!
The hanging of his brother in law. Oh, excuse me, his EX brother in law.
We’d made the date before the it was scheduled, and he didn’t want to miss it, but he obviously had to go to the
hanging. I think it’s a cultural thing.
Oh, I think it’s sweet! They’re very family oriented you know.
What’d you do after?
We had this fabulous dinner that his mother had prepared in advanced. Apparently she was the slave cook for the Vanderbilt’s Jupiter Island estate.
Tres Chic! And did he take you out in the hay for…dessert?
But what, honey? A straight, single man in the Prairie is a hard man to find…and a hard man in the Prairie is a good one to find!
Here’s the thing…
Apparently, Edgar’s brother in law wasn’t the only member of the family who was hung that night. Only this kind would have Nellie riding side saddle for weeks.
…and now, I can hardly walk!
Then can I borrow those new Manolo Blahnik cowgirl boots?
Meanwhile, across town, Mary was dealing with problems of her own. She’d recently taken to whittling, and had fashioned her very first dildo out of a piece of oak. Ma had warned her that playing with herself could lead to blindness, but Mary didn’t believe her…